I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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