...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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