Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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