never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
