My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
