I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had sex on a roof
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
