You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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