this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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