Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
