I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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