I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
