Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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