So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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