Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This is my gift to your gina
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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