Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize