just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize