My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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