I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
