this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
