I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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