Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
this just has baby written all over it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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