he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you win again, gameday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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