i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
