So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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