At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When did angry sex become our thing?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
