I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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