Will you blow on my dice?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
