Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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