your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
