If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
