My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
