My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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