my mouth tastes like poor choices
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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