We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
