I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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