I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
