im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
