Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
