I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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