I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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