Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
