Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
