I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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