On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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