apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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