every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
