If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
