His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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