There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
