Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
