I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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