Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
