I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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