Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
