are you so shy because you have an std?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
