should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
