i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize