Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
