o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
