my sisters under your porch take her home
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
