the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
