i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
