Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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