i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
