so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
