Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
