I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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